Reindeer to the Rescue

A Fractured Christmas Saga

Reindeer to the Rescue

It’s the season again, my Lovelies: time for the annual Reindeer to the Rescue post. There are no paywalls, no funny stuff, just a holiday story for stuffing stockings and trimming the tree. I hope you enjoy the tale, and wish you a very happy holiday season, whatever flavor you choose.

Reindeer to the Rescue by Marco Etheridge

A fat man sat at the head of the table, tiny beads of perspiration shining on his bald pate. Yule logs crackled on the hearth, and the room was warm. The man smoothed his bushy beard over the front of a white wife-beater and looked down the carved wooden table. Ten stools were arranged around the table, and a diminutive green-clad figure was perched on each stool. The big man shook his head, sighed, and waved a plump hand in the air.

“I suppose we should get this thing started. I wish I could throw out some good news to kick the meeting off, but I’m fresh out. You guys are all senior elves. We’ve been here since the beginning, so there’s no use sugar-coating the situation. Unless we can pull off something drastic, this is going to be our last Christmas as a team.”

The fat man dropped his hands to the table. He looked to his elves, one by one, and they back at him. No one’s eyes were twinkling. The elf to his right shifted on his stool.

“Do you really think it’s that bad, Boss? I mean, I know the last few years have been tough, but are we really ready to throw in the shawl?”

“The corporations are killing us, Pepper. Kids don’t want hand-made toys anymore. They want cheap plastic stuff from Amble-On, or Lectro-Mart. Parents don’t have to wait for Christmas. One click on the computer and Bingo! Free shipping, two-day delivery, and no need to send a list to Santa at the North Pole. You ask me if it’s really that bad? They’re burying us. We’ve become redundant, an anachronism.”

There were murmurs up and down the table.

“To top it all off, I’m getting threatening letters from the lawyers over at the Thanksgiving Group. They’re accusing us of encroachment. As if Black Friday is our idea! Who names a holiday Black Friday? It sounds like another stock market crash.”

An old elf on the left cleared his throat.

“Snowball, you want to say something?”

“I hate to mention it Chief, but the corporate incursion got a lot worse after we grounded the reindeer and subcontracted our deliveries to UPS.”

The fat man slapped a stumpy hand to his sweaty forehead.

“I know, I know. Criminy, please don’t remind me. That’s what started this whole mess. I must have been high on sugar plums when I came up with that idiotic notion.”

Santa pointed down the table.

“Yeah, Bushy, speak.”

“Do you still want the figures on the Naughty-Nice Ratio?”

“Probably not, but let’s hear them.”

“I ran the numbers multiple times, but the results keep coming back the same. We’ve never had a Naughty Factor so high, never. If this were a horse race, Nice would be a blind, three-legged gluepot, and Naughty would be Pegasus.”

Santa gave Bushy a suspicious look.

“Have you been hanging out at the track again?”

Bushy shrugged his narrow shoulders.

“An elf’s gotta earn a living, Boss.”

Santa’s hands were waving in the air, as if warding away naughty thoughts.

“Enough, already. The question is, what are we going to do to get back in the game? Which brings us to Operation Reindeer. Pepper, how are we doing on rounding up the team?”

The elf flipped open a red and green folder.

“It’s good news and some bad news, Santa. We’ve got Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Comet and Cupid on board. They’re here at the North Pole and seem to be in decent shape. Vixen is clearing up some personal issues. We’ve located Donner and Blitzen on an ashram in Southern India.”

“An ashram? Wait, don’t tell me, just get them here. What about Rudolph?”

“That’s the bad news, Chief. We’ve got scouts out everywhere, but no one can find Rudolph.”

“That silly red-nose is one of our trademarks. We’ve got to have him, or we’re finished.”

The fat man slapped a meaty hand down on the table, and every elf jumped.

“Listen, if you elves don’t want to end up painting eggs in an Easter Bunny sweatshop, I suggest you find Rudolph.”

***

A dim, sub-arctic light leaked into the one-room cabin. The weak glow of it fell across a cheap coffee table, illuminating an empty vodka bottle. A ceramic mug lay next to the bottle, its rim coating with the drying crust of old eggnog. From a low bed in the corner came the sound of snoring, irregular and ragged. The gargled noise rose and fell, and with each rise there was the faintest glow of red light.

Outside the cabin, heavy boots crunched on deep snow. The crunching noise stopped, replaced by a gloved hand banging on the cabin door. The pounding was relentless, penetrating even into the dark dreams of the snoring figure. The snores faltered and stopped, replaced by a long moan. Words gasped out of the gloom, no louder than a whisper.

“Go away.”

The knocking did not stop.

A dark shape lurched up from the bed, the form of a small reindeer. The reindeer took aim at the door, lowered his antlers, and charged. He tripped over the coffee table, upset it, and landed in a heap before the door. The pounding stopped, replaced by a squeaky voice.

“Rudolph, is that you?”

The bleary reindeer raised his head from the floor.

“Can’t you see the sign? Keep Out; that’s pretty simple, don’t you think?”

“I don’t see any sign.”

“Yeah, well, I meant to put up a sign, so go away.”

“Rudolph, open the door and let me in. The Red Man sent me. C’mon Rudy, I’m freezing my tuchus out here.”

A spark of recognition began to coalesce in Rudolph’s addled brain.

“Benny, is that you? What the hell are you doing in Finland?”

“What do you think I’m doing? The Boss sent me. We’re getting the team back together and we need you. Now open the door already.”

Rudolph forced himself from the floor and reached for the door latch. Without waiting for his guest to enter, he staggered to a dirty couch and crumpled onto the stained cushions.

Benny the elf slammed the door behind him. He unwound a scarf from his face and wrinkled his nose in disgust.

“Holy holly balls, Rudy, it stinks in here.”

Rudy waved a hoof in the air.

“My doe, Claire, she left me a few weeks ago. She packed up the kids and moved to her sister’s place. I guess I sort of let the housekeeping go.”

Benny took two steps into the cabin and promptly tripped over the empty vodka bottle. He managed to keep his feet and curse at the same time. The ragged reindeer on the couch didn’t even look up.

“Jeepers, Rudy, that ain’t all you’ve let go. You look like death on a cracker. What the hell are you doing in Finland?”

Rudolph squinted at the elf with one eye.

“I’m a reindeer, Benny. What better place for a reindeer to hide out than in Finland?”

The elf shrugged his shoulders.

“Okay, stupid question. Your sister-in-law’s place, is it close by?”

“Fairbanks,” said Rudolph, waving a hoof toward nothing in particular. 

“This isn’t getting any easier, is it? Look, forget it. We’ve been trying to find you for months, and it was no easy thing. Santa sent me to bring you back, and he isn’t in the mood to take no for an answer. You gotta pull yourself together and come with me. There’s a nice warm car outside, and the plane is waiting for us in Helsinki.”

Rudolph shook his head and laughed a bitter laugh. His nose flickered, casting a red glow across his bedraggled face.

“Did it dawn on Santa that maybe I didn’t want to be found? Besides, I’m not in any shape to go anywhere, in case you haven’t noticed. And I wouldn’t be any good to anyone once I got there.”

“That isn’t my worry, Rudy. The Red Man told me to find you and bring you back. Once we get you cleaned up a bit, we figure out what to do about Claire and the kids. Meanwhile, it doesn’t look like things are too jolly around the old homestead, so what have you got to lose?”

Rudolph’s eyes wandered around the mess of the cabin.

“Yeah, you may have a point there. Tell me, does the old jet still have a bar onboard?”

“Sure, Santa likes his drop of the Christmas Cheer. Why are you asking?”

“Because we’re going to need it.”

“Rudy, it’s only a three-hour flight to the North Pole.”

“Exactly.”

The elf’s fingers and thumb squeezed the bridge of his pointy nose. He stood there a long moment, eyes closed, as if recalling jollier times. Raising his head, he blew out a long, slow breath.

“You need some time to pack a bag or something?”

“I’m a reindeer, Benny, what the hell would I need to pack?”

***

The sled hanger stood at the edge of the North Pole complex. It was long and open inside, with an arching timber roof and great wooden doors that rolled wide. A collection of large red sleighs stood in a row under the timbered roof. Leather harness and tack hung from the planked walls.

Nine reindeer stood in a loose semi-circle inside the shadowed hanger. Hooves clicked nervously against the flagstone floor. Rudolph stood behind the others, feeling useless and frightened.

The North Pole was just as he remembered it, yet everything felt foreign and strange. Too many years gone; and too many changes. Rudolph shook his head, running it back through his mind. First there was the shock of Santa retiring the team. Then a few years of idling around the North Pole, until the timber walls were pressing in on him.

Finland seemed like a good idea. Rudolph tried to blend in with the other reindeer, regular reindeer. For some years, it seemed to work. He had a job, a nice little cabin, and he was dating a cute doe named Claire.

Rudolph managed to play the ordinary reindeer, even after the kids were born, but it was just an act. He knew it was an act, and Claire knew it too. Rudolph took to flying a little, always in secret, and always after he’d been drinking. The results were disastrous. Rudolph came home battered and bruised, while Claire worried and fretted.

A booming voice broke through Rudolph’s thoughts. A fat man in a red flight suit walked through the gaping doors. A cadre of elves followed in his wake, each wearing green coveralls. Santa paused when he reached the reindeer. A moment of awkward silence followed. Feet shuffled; throats were cleared. Santa let out a fat man’s sigh and began to speak.

“Welcome back to the North Pole. It is wonderful to see you all.”

Santa paused to check his notes, then shook his head. He threw the clipboard to one of the elves and turned back to the reindeer with a sad smile.

“We have been together a long time, too long for any canned speeches. I want to apologize to each of you for breaking up the reindeer team. My intentions were good, but the results have been a disaster. Not only did I hurt the team, I hurt Christmas as well.”

A beautiful reindeer spoke with a clear voice.

“Santa, that’s all water under the bridge. Right now, Christmas is in jeopardy. What’s the plan?”

The big man looked down at his gleaming black boots, daubing his eyes with pudgy fingertips. When he raised his head, his eyes were glistening.

“Thank you, Vixen, direct and to the point as always. Yes, Christmas is in jeopardy. This may be our last year, but I don’t want to give up without one more flight, one more chance to remind the world of what Christmas really means.”

The biggest of the reindeer shifted his antlers.

“Yes, Donner?”

The reindeer spoke in a deep, resonant voice.

“All of us are onboard, Chief, or we wouldn’t be standing here. But we haven’t pulled a sleigh in twenty years. Everyone is a bit rusty, some more than others.”

There was some coughing, and a shuffling of hooves from the back of the group.

“We’ve already talked it over amongst ourselves. We reindeer are ready to give it a go, but I think we would be better off practicing than standing around the hanger.”

Santa slapped his hands together.

“Right you are, Donner, enough of my gabbing. We’ve only six weeks until Christmas Eve. We’ll start off with some warm-up runs, then move on to take-offs and a few short solo flights. Formation flying will have to come later. Okay, we’ve all done this before. Let’s get to work!”

Santa turned and walked toward the open doors, the cadre of elves on his heels. The reindeer followed, with Rudolph shuffling along last of all.

***

They trained under the perpetual starry night of the North Pole. The reindeer leaped and stumbled, soared and bumbled, and Christmas Eve loomed ever nearer.

On one of these dark, cold nights, Santa stood watching the reindeer. He spoke to the elf at his side.

“We’re four weeks in, Pepper. How are they doing?”

The elf consulted a clipboard before responding.

“Donner and Blitzen look pretty good. They were always the strongest, so no surprises there. Vixen is showing some great moves, almost like old times. Dasher is rough, and Prancer ain’t exactly prancing, but both of them are making progress. Comet and Cupid are coming along as well, but they could use more time.”

Santa nodded his head, his eyes gazing out across the darkling snow.

“And time is the one thing we don’t have, Pepper. Only two weeks until Christmas, and tomorrow is the first test flight with a sleigh. How’s our red-nosed reindeer doing?”

“Well, Chief, he seems to be off the eggnog, which is a big plus. Right now, he’s managing about eight-in-ten for successful takeoffs. Maybe I should pilot the test tomorrow; keep the load light and all. No offense meant.”

“Ho, ho, ho! No offense taken, Pepper. Are you sure you want to do that?”

“Ah, no worries, Santa, I’ve got my crash helmet.”

***

Rudolph’s heart was pounding in his chest. Starlight gleamed on the silver buckles of the harness that ran over his back and shoulders. Behind him, linked by the same leather traces, eight reindeer stood in pairs of two. Snow crunched under their hooves, and leather creaked in the frosty air. Pepper the elf was perched on the bench of the sleigh, reins in his hand. A bright green crash helmet was strapped tightly to his head. Pepper’s voice squeaked from the sleigh.

“Remember, guys, it’s just a simple test flight. Nothing fancy, okay? We go up, we do a few circles around the complex, followed by a nice, smooth landing. Is everyone ready?”

The harness jingled as the reindeer pawed the snow. Pepper lifted the reins.

“Okay, Rudolph, take us up!”

Rudolph pushed against the harness, his hooves kicking up a spray of snow. Behind him, all the reindeer did the same. The harness tightened, and the sleigh slid over the snow. They were running now, gaining speed. Rudolph pushed off with his hind legs, his forelegs reaching for the sky.

The snowy surface fell away beneath Rudolph’s hooves. The pull of the harness was smooth behind him, and he knew that the sleigh was airborne as well.

A spark of hope kindled in Rudolph’s heart, only to be extinguished by a wave of doubt and fear. It flooded through him, dark and dread, numbing his mind. His concentration broke, and his hooves faltered.

Rudolph’s forelegs tangled in midair, and he veered to the right. He struggled frantically to correct his course. The line of reindeer veered with him, slewing from side to side. Behind them, the sleigh swung back and forth in the cold night.

Pepper was almost thrown from the sleigh. The reins fell from his hands as he clutched wildly for the railing. Heaving back to the left, hooves scrabbling in the air, the line of reindeer plunged from the sky.

It was only luck, and a huge drift of snow, that saved the team from total disaster. Rudolph careened into the soft mountain of snow, and the reindeer and sleigh followed. A tall, white plume rose into the starry night. A crash wagon loaded with elves rolled out of the hanger. Bells clanged in the darkness as the crash wagon lumbered towards the wreckage.

The elves dug the reindeer out of the snowdrift and released them from the tangled harness. The sleigh was hooked to the crash wagon. It was a forlorn procession that made its slow way back to the hanger. The elves towed the fallen sleigh, and the reindeer staggered after. Last of all came Rudolph, his antlers hanging low.

***

After the hubbub of the crash died down, Rudolph sought what refuge he could find in the solitude of the hanger. He lay curled on a bit of old rug, staring at the damaged sleigh.

The silence was broken by the creak of a wooden door, and the unmistakable sound of hooves on stone. It was Donner who sat down on his haunches beside Rudolph, the strongest reindeer on the team. Dreading what the bigger reindeer might say, Rudolph spoke first.

“I’m sorry, Donner, I screwed up and ruined the flight.”

Donner looked at Rudolph, his great rack of antlers cocked to one side.

“Is that how you see it?”

“Sure, I stumbled and brought everyone down with me.”

Donner stared at the sleigh for a moment, as if weighing his words.

“That’s not what I saw, Rudolph. If the lead reindeer stumbles, the heavy pullers, the next pair in the harness, they’re supposed to compensate until the lead can regain his footing. The second pair have the leader’s back, and so on down the line.”

“But you and Blitzen were behind me.”

“Exactly, and we let you down. Blitzen veered with you, and I slacked the pull. As a result, one small mistake got out of hand and took down the whole team.”

“Yeah, and my screwup started the whole thing.”

“Mistakes happen. It’s how we recover from the mistakes that matters. This was just a practice flight, our first in twenty years. No one got hurt, and the sleigh can be repaired. You have to shake this off, okay?”

“Yes, but…”

“Listen, let me tell you a story. Some years ago, I learned an important lesson. I was always a big pull on the harness line, even when I was just a yearling. I took a lot of pride in my strength, and that pride blinded me in a way. Then I found myself in a tough situation, where strength alone wasn’t going to cut it. A different set of skills was needed to get the job done. As it turns out, those talents came from the smallest, newest member of the group.”

“Wow, is that something you learned at the ashram?”

The big reindeer smiled.

“No, I learned that from you, Rudolph. That foggy night years ago, when the Christmas flight was in danger of being cancelled, you saved everything.”

Donner raised himself to his full height and stretched his hindquarters.

“I better call it a night. We’ve got another test flight tomorrow, and I need to be at my best. I’ll see you in the morning, Rudolph.”

Rudolph watched as Donner strode across the flagstones and disappeared through the door. He felt the kindness of Donner’s words still hanging in the still air, and the spark of hope that had rekindled in his heart.

***

The night of Christmas Eve was clear and bright. The arctic air felt brittle and electric. Rudolph stood at the lead point of the long harness, with eight strong reindeer behind him. Misty vapor swirled from their nostrils, past antlers held tall and proud. Rudolph looked down the snowy runway, his nose glowing against the darkness.

Santa sat atop the sleigh bench wearing his finest dress suit and hat. The fur trim of his suit was carefully fluffed, and the hat cocked at a jaunty angle. Santa’s beard was combed and brushed, his boots polished and gleaming. The big man lifted the reins in his gloved hands, testing the feel of them.

The sleigh was loaded with presents, yet the Reindeer thought the load smaller and lighter than in years past. The elves knew, and Santa knew, but they were keeping their secret. Vixen had dared to ask as the sleigh was loaded, but Santa gave her only a nod and a wink in reply.

The reins tightened as Santa leaned back in the sleigh. Reindeer muscles flexed at the sound of Santa’s booming laugh. Reindeer hooves dug into the snow at his urging.

“Ho, Ho, Ho-ho! Now, Dasher, now Dancer…”

Rudolph was already pushing his shoulders against the harness, and the rest of the reindeer as well. The sleigh flew forward. A sparkling cloud of snow rose behind the speeding sleigh.

Rudolph felt the leather reins flick against his back, the signal from Santa’s expert hand. He leapt into the air, and the reindeer team leapt behind him. They soared into the night sky, hooves pounding in unison. The line of reindeer banked in a long circle to the South, with Santa and the sleigh gliding smoothly behind. Then, in a twinkling of bells and lights, the sleigh, and all of the reindeer, vanished into the night.

***

It was a magical night, and the reindeer felt the magic flow through them. They flew as one, circling the entire globe while Santa laughed and sang. The sleigh passed over distant lands with the sound of flying hooves and Santa’s jolly laugh. And everywhere they went, a trail of small gifts appeared on hearths, bedsides, and mantles.

Santa and his reindeer flew farther and faster than they had ever flown before. No child was forgotten. Christmas kids and Hanukkah kids, Muslim and Buddhist, Three Kings and Kwanzaa children, each awoke to find a gift to brighten their morning.

Nor were the adults forgotten. Farmers and fakirs, presidents and prime ministers, the naughty and the nice; a small, gleaming package came to them all.

Eager fingers pulled away the bright wrappings. Beneath the colored paper, every hand found the same present. Small enough to fit in the palm of a child’s hand was a carved heart. The hearts were wrought of polished stone, or gleaming wood, but they were all of the exact same size and shape. Each heart was inscribed with words written in many languages, yet every message was the same: Give Me to Someone Else.

In the early hours of Christmas morning, the sleigh made a perfect landing at the North Pole. The elves unharnessed the reindeer, and the empty sleigh was pushed into the hanger. The reindeer marched behind Santa and the elves; their antlers held high.

***

The Christmas celebration at the North Pole lasted the entire day and into the night. Lights sparkled, eyes twinkled, and hearts were glad. Santa was as merry as a child, the elves laughed and sang, and the reindeer were proud and happy. When the last song was sung, the elves and reindeer tucked themselves into their beds, all except for one.

Rudolph was too excited to sleep. It was after midnight when he found Santa in his office. Rudolph poked his antlers through the open door, into a wash of candlelight and holly. Santa looked up from the table, spectacles perched on his nose.

“I hope I’m not disturbing you, Santa.”

“Not at all, Rudolph, come in, come in. This is a lovely surprise.”

Rudolph stepped into the room. A fire blazed in the hearth and the dancing flames made the room cozy and bright.

The big man raised a newspaper from a stack on the table.

“I was just reading the reviews of our flight.”

“And what do they say?”

“On the whole, they’re not bad, not bad at all.”

Santa tilted the paper towards the flickering light.

“We’ve got some good headlines. The Times reads Santa Soars Again, and the Herald has Reindeer to the Rescue, which is closer to the truth. And from London we have Claus in the Nick of Time; clever, that. Of course, not everyone is pleased. Flux News writes Santa Goes Socialist!”

Rudolph broke into a grin.

“I bet that will land them on the Naughty List.”

“Ah, they were already there My Boy, already there. But tell me, what did you want to see me about?”

“I came to thank you, Santa. Thank you for giving me a chance. Thank you for having faith in me.”

“Now Rudolph, the truth is that I should be thanking you, and I do, from the bottom of my heart. I was the one who broke up the reindeer team. I’ve come to realize that we are all of us rowing the same boat, or rather pulling the same sleigh. We simply could not have done it without you, and that is the truth.”

Rudolph’s nose glowed in the firelight and he held his antlers high.

“Do you think that we did it, Santa? Do you think that we saved Christmas?”

“Only time will tell, My Old Friend. I think that what we have done is to buy ourselves some time. We will fly again next Christmas, if the team is willing. Can I count on you for that?”

Rudolph felt his heart swelling in his chest.

“Would there be a place for me here? What I mean is, I want to ask Claire and the Kids to come back, to come back home to the North Pole.”

The big man broke into a jolly laugh.

“Ho, ho, ho! Nothing would make me happier, Rudolph. This is your home. There is always a place for you here, always.”

Rudolph nodded his head, turned away to hide the tears glistening in his eyes. When he turned back, he was smiling.

“Thank you, Santa, and Merry Christmas.”

The fat man nodded, his face as red and jolly as Rudolph had ever seen it.

“Merry Christmas, Rudolph.”

THE END

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